9 Things You Should Never Say to or Do to a Pregnant Woman

Teresha: Pregnancy is one of those life events that bring out the best or worst in the people around you. Family and friends will be a mixed bag of reactions. Some will be appropriately supportive and some will annoy you with unsolicited advice, poorly-timed jokes, maternity health warnings they read about on the Internet, or plain rude remarks. Strangers will think they can invade your body buffer zone. I have faced the fact that being pregnant is a personal moment on public display, so people will think they are not out-of-bounds to get nosy and all up in your business. Etiquette should not go out the window when you see or talk to a pregnant woman, people! In case you forget your manners, here is a cheat sheet:

1. Never ask her if she is pregnant unless it's absolutely obvious (like she will deliver at any moment). If she is, it's her news to tell, so don't ruin it or force her to lie. If she is just gaining weight, you will make her feel horrible. Either way, you are going to look like a heel.
2. Never tell a pregnant woman that she has stretch marks, swollen feet, hemorrhoids, leg cramps, varicose veins, etc...to look forward to. It sounds like you are wishing these dreaded conditions on her and just because it happened to you, your wife, your sister or friend does not mean it will befall her.
3. Never share tragic pregnancy or birth horror stories like, "my sister's-best friend's-cousin was 16 weeks pregnant when she miscarried" or "this woman at my job went into preterm labor due to an incompetent cervix." Are you trying to freak us out? If you don't have something nice to say, HOLD YOUR TONGUE!
4. Never ask if she is having a boy or a girl or what the name is going to be. Offering to guess is even more of a no-no. If this information has not been volunteered already, then it's probably a secret.
5. Never suggest baby names. Do you really think your opinion matters in something so intimate?
6. Never pat or rub her belly without permission. Strangers, don't even ask!
7. Never, ever look at a pregnant woman and exclaim, "Wow, you are huge! I know you're not going to push that big baby out." Pregnant women come in all shapes and sizes, which don't correlate to the weight of the baby.
8. Never ask the private, personal details of her birth plan. If she tells you voluntarily, this is not an open invitation to give your "expert" opinion about how "epidurals are the best" or "too many women are having C-sections." There is no right or wrong way to have a baby-- it's a matter of choice to be discussed with her maternity care provider, and you aren't part of the decision-making.
9. Never look at a pregnant woman coming down the aisle and not make room for her to pass or offer up your seat the front of the bus. Come on!

On behalf of expectant mommies everywhere, I beseech you to think before you speak to us. I know you mean well, but we are already anxious as it is about having a healthy pregnancy plus emotional from the hormonal rollercoaster. We don't need you adding to the stress by making insensitive comments. What we need is positive affirmation! So, when you see me or call me or email me, just express well wishes or ask how I am doing/feeling. I will happily share some details with you.

Damon: On the subject of pregnant women and questions, it is very clear and simple. I always call upon the tactics used to keep the Clinton marriage intact - "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Again - very simple. You don't ask a pregnant woman anything. You definitely don't ask her - "are you pregnant?" Even if her water has broken and she is ready to pop, don't ask - I would first just assume that she has wet herself or maybe she's bloated from eating at that discount Chinese Buffet. I could go on, but why? Again, clear and simple - "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Trust me!